So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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