I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
