listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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