..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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