I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
