Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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