Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
