Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up under a house in Key West
Shame is for Republicans.
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