apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
