I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
