You really coming over, don't trick.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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