i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
