when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
