"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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