I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize