you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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