people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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