When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
