What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
