We're like a lot better than the average bears
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
