im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
