Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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