She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
