Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
