i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
