the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
