I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
