I'm lost and stupid without you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
