Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
