it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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