So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
