dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
