She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
