We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize