Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
