big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
