I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
