his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
