I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
