This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
