if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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