It's like a parade of train wrecks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
