Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
