Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
