i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
