New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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