OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize