and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
