She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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