Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
