Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
