My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
