Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
