Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
