How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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