he wants to bone in the snuggie
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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