dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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