the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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