This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
