In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
