i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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