you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
