this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
