I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
