He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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