Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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