I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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