dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
