When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
