thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
