go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
