well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
