Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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