I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
