so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he fucked my hip out of place.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
