literally had 100 drinks last night.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
