I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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