this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
