I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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