I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
