he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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