Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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