god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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