i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
