Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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