I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
