btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
