She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
