There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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