i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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