i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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