I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
