god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
