I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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