I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
