and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
