Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
